Its been a long time running.
yesterday was well spent.


You mature as you age.
People will come and go. But memories won't.
So.

I used to think that I didn't actually had any friends that are trulllyyy truly real, as in those who like me for who I am. And now when I think back, maybe I didn't give myself a chance to widen my social circle, to embrace new changes. And I realise now that this feeling that I used to had, is all presumptous. I'm being too objective and very pessimistic. But, heck all of that.

BECAUSE right now, I do feel that I have the most amazing friends anyone could ask for, and i'd never want to change anything. Life is always a rollercoater ride. I think I somewhat understand, but not really fully, of what my purpose in life is. Not as in religious obligation. But, the significance of life itself. Of my life.

I actually took out my dad's old haircutting kit-he used to be a barber. And I actually wanted to use his scissors to cut my fringe cos its getting longer. And gosh when I opened that kit, memories starts to stream in. All my life, he was the one who used to cut my hair.

I find myself singing 'Hey, there Delilah' alone at home, and I start tearing up. That period of time when I was soooo passionate about that song, however foolish this may sound, and when I used to sing at the top of my lungs at home- that was during after O's long break. and he used to sit at the corner, staring into space, maybe listening, or got irritated, I never will know. And I never even bothered to talk. I am so guilty, how I wished I could turn back time. I wished I had been a better daughter. A better person.

I cant believe Im being such a crying blanket.
But it just seems, well it really is difficult. I just feel right now that he went for a long long trip to tanjung pinang and one day he will come knocking at the door. Just. IDK.

Again, i never understand myself sometimes.
the person that I am then, would say that I'm doing this not because i want your sympathy or anything. the person that I am now would wonder why I even bothered to seek such assurance from you, whoever you are.

Only, I would say that I'm doing this cos no one ever talks about this sort of thing at home anymore. So. IDK. just, yeah. full stop.